As much as I love sandbox style games, there is one part of them that I detest: traveling. Even if they give you a vehicle, like the horses or carriages in Assassin’s Creed or Dragon Age: Inquisition, the simple idea of roaming through the countryside, after a while, gets … how to put this lightly? Fucking annoying. And then you have otherwise awesome games – Halo: Reach, for example – that insert driving levels into otherwise total FPS gameplay. I get it, the developers wanted to give some variety, but fuck, if those weren’t my least favorite parts to play. Which, of course, brings us to today’s challenge: the worst part of the games. And, if you’ve played Mass Effect, you probably already know where I’m going with this.
Fuck you, Mako.
And lest it feels left out, fuck you, too, Hammerhead.
I loathed having to drive around poorly-rendered landscapes in the first game. It took forever, and half the time, you didn’t even have the right team member to access the loot that was in the capsules or downed satellites or whatever. Or you got stuck in a crevice or upside down and had to go back up to the Normandy. Sometimes, the Mako wouldn’t have any issues climbing completely vertically, but at others, it was all, “LOL NOPE,” falling backward and then getting wedged in a hole. It was pretty helpful against thresher maws, as long as you could jump or accelerate fast enough to avoid that toxic goo it shot at you (Then? Two shots, and you were somehow sitting in a big, billowy fire. And dead.), and fighting the geth Colossuses and the Armatures was a lot easier than on foot.
To be fair to the poor Mako, I was begging for its return with the introduction of the fucking Hammerhead. Firewalker was the worst DLC, and a big part of that was the vehicle. The Hammerhead was somehow even more useless than the Mako.
Honestly, I’m just not much of a driving-in-games kind of person. If it fits well into the game and isn’t soul-crushingly difficult (Gears of War 3), I can overlook it, but for the most part, I’d prefer they stay out. I liked how, in ME3, they completely got rid of any driving segments (that I can recall) and instead focused on what happened once Shepard and Company got to where they were going. It’s like EA and Bioware read my mind and made it so.