in which I have to learn to breathe …

And I don’t mean this in a metaphorical sense. I legitimately don’t know how to breathe apparently.

During my latest appointment with the NP that diagnosed my asthma, I was complaining about how deep breathing was still difficult for me, and I wondered aloud if I needed a different inhaler that might … I don’t know, make my lungs less anti-breathing or something.

“No,” she said, giggling to herself. “You just need to learn … well, how to breathe.”

After I had a brief bout of “offense, that’s rude,” it suddenly clarified a lot. Of course I don’t know how to breathe like a non-asthmatic person does. I have been overcompensating for over 36 years and was not even aware of it, and with the assistance of my inhaler, my lungs – for the first time ever – are like, “Oh, we don’t have to do a work-around? This is new. Wait, how do we do this?”

So I’ve been doing some vocal dysfunction exercises on YouTube, as prescribed by my NP, and it’s … weird. Like, I feel very odd, like when you adjust your posture after slumping in front of your computer for a few hours. It doesn’t necessarily hurt, but everything feels uncomfortable and also relieved simultaneously? Yoga has also been helping, although I am so inflexible that it’s sad. I remember being able to do plow pose with no issues, but I think there are other issues at play here than my inability to breathe like a normal person.

But anyway, I still wear a fucking mask and don’t have any issues, so take that as you will.

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